Monday will be my first day back to work from maternity leave. I agreed to go back over a month ahead of schedule. I made this decision for a few reasons: 1) My (new) boss had already started contacting me frequently to help respond to some issues they apparently felt they waited long enough to resolve; 2) It was a strategic decision to negotiate working from home (otherwise I will need the additional time to arrange for childcare); and 3) Because Alex hasn't found a job yet, I am still the sole breadwinner of the family and the bread is running out.
Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about the situation. One the one hand, I'm excited to go back and hit the floor running in my new (management!) role. But I also know that I'm going to miss having so much time to spend with Ava. We've developed somewhat of a morning routine, our new little family, and it has become my favorite time of the day.
Ava's been so great about consistently sleeping through the night since before she was eight weeks old, and when she wakes up in the morning, she doesn't cry, but sometimes coos a little to let us know she's up and then as soon as she sees my face she gives me the happiest smile like I've just made her the luckiest girl in the world. (The feeling I get from this is indescribable; I think it's one of those things you just have to be a mother to experience.) Then after I feed her the three of us hang out, sing, dance, and play in bed until we're hungry enough to get out of bed and start the day.
I know we can still have these moments while I'm working, for a few minutes before I have to start my workday and on weekends, but I know it won't be with the same carefree, dedicated focus. My attention will be diverted. Life will move at a faster pace. So for these last few days, I'm going to savor every minute of bonding with my baby.
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